My Heart Beats for Hummus

Because hummus is the best thing on the planet.

Had a dream i was watching Daria and it was the episode where her mom talks about her butt in front of the class (except this episode doesn’t exist) and the class repeats her mom and it’s actually them singing Arcade Fire’s ‘Abraham’s Daughter’ from The Hunger Games soundtrack. So I’m laughing from my soul and we’re in this van coming back from some trip. My ex-roommate was next to me and jumps out the van yelling she’s a vegan and I just shrugged and said OK. Then two of my friends were on my street talking about us going on a walk and I go to change but I fell asleep, missing her call 4111 times. Then my mom calls me and says not to go running for the rest of the month because I need to be protected from the people and she wouldn’t tell me what people. I’m yelling at her while my friends are over and start picking up my room when I see bugs on the wall and flying iguanas. Then i saw an alligator come from under the bed and I told my mom, “fuck this shit I just saw an alligator come from my bed we’re moving to Texas OK bye!” And I woke myself. Ya’ll, I swear I’m not on drugs.

Maid of honor hair (my hair is about this length. I’m trying to avoid weave). 

Maid of honor hair (my hair is about this length. I’m trying to avoid weave). 

I have never wanted to disengage from a group of people in my life, but if I do that, those people will continue with their hateful comments against others. They’ll continue to believe what they’re saying is right. They’ll continue, through their words and actions, that’s what the Lord says, that’s what the Lord taught them, and for this reason, I can’t leave, no matter how much I want to.

It’s not about believing or not believing. I have my own relationship with God and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But I get so frustrated when people say, (hateful sentence) then attach a verse. It infuriates me. And more people do this, and they think it’s OK. Then there’s this “war” of sorts over who’s right and wrong. Who’s going to hell and who’s not because of how they live their lives. The same people who judge have faults of their own and them judging others is to cover up the shitty mistakes they made that they can’t forgive themselves for. 

I’m not saying change your beliefs whatever they are, but I am saying you’re a fool for saying hateful things then hiding behind the Word saying that’s what the Lord said. 

random post about my being stressed

Sometimes I wish I smoked to relieve stress, but smoking causes cancer and cancer shortens your life. Stress also causes cancer (eh, if you think about it) and cancer shortens your life so…you know, yeah.

  • (Watching Water for Elephants)
  • C: Shit just got real. They were like, "you killed my friend. I'm tired of your ass."
  • Me: Mmmhm. So they let out all the animals, like Occupy Benzini Brothers, but violent.

What I learned after seeing The Hunger Games (no spoilers, promise):

  • I would legit be friends with the cast. They seem like really cool people.
  • After not being a fan of JenLaw (I was meh), she won me over. Homegirl was goood!
  • Stanley Tucci is so underrated and it makes my heart sad. He’s absolutely amazing and brought the comic relief.
  • Lenny Kravitz, my love for you is still strong. <333
  • Elizabeth Banks was Effie and I keep forgetting that because she was so damn good at it. 
  • Liam, “I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!” You know, if/when you become single.
  • Josh Hutcherson will be my little brother, and we will play pranks on each other and hang out and be the best brother/sister anyone can ever have.
  • I will be seeing it again.

Saying ‘The White Stripes makes me want to strip’ while subtly acting like a stripper to your friend at work while your boss is behind you isn’t the best idea. Keep this tip in the tip jar.

—My friend’s important text to me

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill looked and said, “I’ll call the ambulance.

—My mom and I revised Jack and Jill for you. You’re welcome.

But he’s such a cute little girl though.

—Mom about Bieber. I can’t. 

  • (Watching the Proactiv commercial on mute)
  • Mom: Who is this girl with the short hair cut? It's tapered all nicely and stuff; better than most guys.
  • Me: Mom, that's Bieber.
  • Mom: Oh child...